Although none of the people I encountered in my work are ashamed of being involved in the lifestyle, society has an unfair view and little acceptance to this way of life. For the privacy and protection of those involved their names have been changed. Some minor details in their stories have also been altered slightly to help them remain anonymous. Please note the acommpanying images do not directly relate to the person speaking.
Arthur & Kate
The term swinging means, lots of couples meeting up at a party or club, and playing with each other. But these days there’s lots of singles, mostly guys, going to clubs and seeing if they can join for fun. Whilst it is fun for all concerned, I don’t really see that as swinging as such.
Lots of women when they start swinging have insecurities that every other female at a party is going to be sexier, slimmer and more beautiful than them. But this is not true, you get the full spectrum of looks, ages and sizes at parties.
We met using the website Fab Swingers. Firstly we just went for a drink and a bit to eat.
As a couple we are into everything – up to full sex with couples. With her having a very strong bi side, we’ve met with females and other couples with a bi lady, which was perfect! We’ve never meet single men, because she is mainly after some girl on girl fun. Having a bi partner means I get to see and share some hot girl on girl action, and occasionally be the centre of attention from 2 girls at once.
I get a real buzz from full sex, especially when it involves 2 or 3 couples. Sometimes the buzz can last for days, some swinging can really leave you on a high.
Swinging as a couples means you get lots of really top drawer sex. It’s easier to get invites to parties as a couple and also most clubs are couple only on Saturday nights.
We have a few rules, same room playing is the main one. I am happy for her to do what she wants, I don’t like to lay the law down too much. I know it would be a massive no no for me to swing on my own. But I’m more relaxed about her meeting alone but it’s never happened.
Swinging can benefit a relationship in a trust way, with swinging being really openbetween a couple. But it can also bring some arguments and insecurities into it if things start to not work out as planned. I’m not sure if you need to be a strong couple for swinging to work as such, but communication is key to avoid a lot of pit falls. As long as you are both totally happy with what’s going on, you should be fine.
We always swing together because it is what we both want. If you swing as a couple you are not cheating on anybody, because you are both being upfront about everything, and you are doing it together anyway.
I’ve been swinging for about 10 years. I had used prostitutes on occasions and whilst surfing the web for porn and prostitutes I came across the casual encounters section on craigslist. Having swapped some mails I met a girl for lunch one day and whilst we never moved on to sex I loved the clandestine nature of the meet, the fact that we were both looking for sex and the edge that gave to an otherwise lunch meeting. I then started to seek out swingers sites and personal ads.
When I get the chance I go to swingers clubs and naturist spas, I have naturist tendencies and love spa facilities so my aim isn’t always sex when I visit. I usually swing in clubs, spa’s and hotels - thank god for travel lodges!!
My first impression of the scene was surprise that it was so active and seemingly available. I swing because I have a high sex drive, adore girls and women, love to give pleasure and like the dirty clandestine and un-predictable nature of it. I love fucking with women who really want to be fucked. Ego is part of the reason I’m sure, as it’s always beat to feel desired and good at something.
It’s certainly about more than the sex. It’s the anticipation, excitement of new encounters, being wanted, passionately and satisfying someone’s needs.
I would tell people that knew nothing about swinging to be open minded, to live and let live and maybe even to give it a try if they want to get judgemental.
I am married and very happy with my marriage other than the frequency of marital sex. I swing as a single and I will meet couples or singles. I tend to prefer couples, as I am not looking to develop a relationship other than a sexual one. When we were much younger we discussed threesomes, as you do, but sex is no longer high on my wife’s agenda. I would love to swing as a couple but it is not likely to happen. My wife doesn’t know that I swing, I would love her consent but I am not sure she would approve. However I think that it does have a positive effect on my marriage as itsatisfies desires that may cause a rift between us. I would agree that I am cheating on my partner though.
For full disclosure I also still visit prostitutes. The reason for this over swinging is the clarity of the arrangements. I am not looking for anything more than the physical due to being married.
When I was a teenager I really played the field. I think I worked out that I’d slept with 700 people before I was married.
I was really happily married for 16 years though. And it was strange because the whole time we were together I never even thought about being with another man. I even found that after a while I started to loose interest in sex altogether, something that is quite surreal looking back. It just became so repetitive and almost boring. I’d always had a really high sex drive and still do now.
After my divorce I started using dating websites. But my sister introduced me to swinging sites. It was here that I realised that I really enjoyed having sex with strangers. It was the excitement that comes with meeting a stranger and exploring an unfamiliar body.
I think as a women, swinging is a different board game. Men can just think with their dicks. But for women it is very hard to separate the emotional and the physical. Even women who tell you they can, will end up meeting that one person that they can’t manage to turn off the emotions with.
I have had a fun life, I’ve met some amazing people and had some incredible experiences but I don’t know if it is a life that I would ever encourage others into. I have fun at meets but I always come away feeling very empty inside. I wonder why I just did that, what am I really getting from it. And I don’t always feel good about myself.
For this reason I do tend to dip in and out of the scene. I get to a point where I’m feeling very low about myself and I’m not getting anything out of it anymore. But then after a while I miss the attention and get back into it again. It’s a viscous cycle.
Sometimes you will meet someone more than once, and swing together as a “couple”. When this happens, for me anyway, I sometimes start to develop feelings for them. This is a sad point because you know that with this lifestyle, developing a relationship from the scene is very rare, and you know nothing can ever happen.
Having said that I have met some incredible men that have become very close friends of mine. When this happens however the sex stops. It’s best to always keep things separate.
I have been swinging for about three years. I was first introduced to the scene when I was abroad in Europe. I think that Europe is a lot further ahead than England with acceptance of sexuality. I enjoyed it so much whilst abroad that friends told me about Paradise in Bournemouth.
I just turn up at the club and chat. If I’m lucky I’m very happy! I have found there is always someone willing to chat so my time is never really wasted.
I must admit that when I first started going there, I thought the clientele would be perverted/weird but I have come to respect couples for their honesty with each other and the club is full of intelligent and gentle people.
Sadly, people in my life don’t know of my activities. I wish I found this scene forty years ago. I know I would be turned on watching my wife having sex with another man. I encouraged her to have three experiences with men. As we met when we were 15 years old, neither of us had ever been with another person. She didn’t really enjoy it but I met women and one fell in love with me. I had an affair with my wife’s knowledge for a number of years, and it was a real strain and I was relieved when it ended.
The club provides the opportunity for me to have physical and sexual fun. My wife and I can laugh, accompany each other, support each other and live under the same roof but there is no physical side to our relationship.
The thing that has most surprised me about the swinging scene is couples trust and openness to desires. I’ve come to realise that us men are just as welcome for couples as they are for us. But it is important for us single men not to touch without encouragement, to be polite at all times and know that no means no!
Sadly society doesn’t really understand this way of life, which is probably more natural monogamy.
I have been going to swinging clubs, parties and meets for about 5 years. The easiest way to meet people is to go to a club and just be brave enough to chat to people. The internet sites like Fab Swingers work well but for guys it’s a lot harder than for couples and females because of the ratios.
My first impression of the swinging scene was how nice, friendly and sociable everybody was. Swinging is more than just sex, the parties especially, if you are a regular they can become very social events and you can form a very close network of friends.
A misconception on the scene is that people who swing must be slightly weird and bit pesty. This is not true; I have met people from all walks of life, some common or some posh!
The scene really appeals to me because it’s fun sex with no complications and nearly always naughtier sex than I was used to. I find some couples welcoming to singles but not all. You have to just make sure you find out what people are looking for.
The only people who know that I swing are a few close work friends. I have to keep my antics private because I am married, and my wife does not know that I attend clubs and parties. I have been married for 20 years. I have an almost sexless marriage and find that using websites and clubs has helped me satisfy my needs for sex without having to go down the line of having an affair.
I have mentioned swinging indirectly to my wife, in passing comments when programmes have been on TV but she finds the whole thing sordid and dirty. She doesn’t really enjoy sex anymore and sees it as a chore that she has to do as a married woman. She prefers just to give me a blow job every now and again, because in her own words, it’s less hassle. She doesn’t know anything about me swinging and definitely would not approve. But in a way it has made our relationship better as there are less arguments because my demands on her are less, as a lot of my needs are being met elsewhere.
If someone said I am cheating on my partner, I would have to agree. But my other main option would be to divorce for the reason that we’re far from sexually compatible and it was causing arguments all the time. I didn’t want to do this because it would mean breaking up my family, which I wouldn’t want to do.
Dom & Lisa
We were living together as a couple before we started swinging together. We had both been married previously and divorced before we met each other. We are such a close family now, and we treat each others kids like our own.
We opened up to one another about our fantasies and desires and Lisa said that she had slight bi tendencies. So we decided to meet some single females and other couples that are happy with a bit of girl on girl.
The scene is so social and we have met some amazing people that have become really good friends of ours. We have swinging couple friends that we meet with at the spa’s and clubs, and attending becomes a really fun and social occasion. It’s nice to be around people who are all of the same mind, and so open with each other. It definitely feels like a real community.
We have code words that we use, if ever either of us feels uncomfortable in a situation then we can stop and talk to each other about it. The key to success in swinging is communication. To be willing to share experience with your partner happily you need to share all your thoughts, desires and worries.
Our relationship has become so strong because of swinging. It couldn’t be better. We haven’t had an argument in years. If you can be open with each other about private personal matters like sex then you can open with each other about everything else.
We have so much fun together, we are so comfortable with what we do that there is never any jealousy in our relationship. Sometimes I get a bit insecure about myself, but we always take a step back and chat to one another. And Dom always reassures me and I realise I’m just being silly.
No one can give to me what Lisa gives me. I love her; we have such a strong relationship and an incredible family. We’re so confident in one another that it means we can be really free and have a lot of fun with what we do.
I think that couples need to be in a strong and healthy relationship to be able to succeed in this scene and make the most of it. Otherwise insecurities and jealousy will ruin their experience and even their relationship.
Sam & Rebecca
The term swinging to us means couples exploring fun with other, usually increasing numbers from a twosome, sometimes with a different single partner as well.
We have both been swinging for about 7 years. We were already attending the Paradise as singles, but started chatting on the club’s chat room and arranged a physical meet.
We enjoy the varied rooms at the clubs, to give variety to our relationship. We occasionally will play with another single or couple, and we like to meet with both singles and couples.
We like being in a sexually charged atmosphere where others are playing.
We have rules - they are key. We don’t swing without the other being there, and we also use code words for if we are uncomfortable with a situation. Rebecca can do what she likes, providing it’s kept as no strings, and a mental friendship isn’t formed without us discussing things. Swinging is physical, rather than emotional. But I would like to know and not be deceived. Trust and communication is key, so I wouldn’t like Sam to do anything without my knowledge. If we were going to share each other I would rather be part of the experience.
I love the excitement of seeing Rebecca excited by using random men for her pleasure. And I love the control of having the pick of the pack; the women are in control due to the ratio. Dressing up in lingerie and receiving attention from guys who are competing to get your attention is a real thrill.
Swinging has benefited our relationship as we appreciate each other on a mental level, which complements the physical relationship. It has built really strong trust between us. I think you do have to be a strong couple to be comfortable with swinging, but you also need to discuss things before committing, to communicate effectively to ensure you are both on the same wavelength. Couples should both be comfortable with their agreement of where the line is, and trust not to cross it, and to be able to discuss any variation of this line.
Cheating is doing something deceitfully, and crossing the line the couple have. This will vary with each couple. I also feel that if Sam continued a emotional relationship outside of no strings sex, this to me would be seen as a form of cheating.
I have actually only really been swinging for about 6-7 months!
A friend of mine introduced me to the Paradise spa. He took me with him one day. Ienjoyed it so much. I was instantly hooked!
It’s such a chilled out place. I always feel comfortable when I visit as it is so easy to talk to people. However I have not yet ventured outside of the Paradise. But if the opportunity arose I would definitely like to try some parties and other clubs, I’m sure I would really enjoy it.
I really like the scene because there is no commitment. Having just come out of a long term relationship I’m not looking for anything serious. The swinging scene is just what I need at this stage in my life.
People joke about swinging, but I don’t think that they are really always joking. I think everyone is curious. I think that people are just scared to take the plunge. It does seem to be something that a lot more people get into in their 30s, perhaps because they feel it seems more acceptable then.
Only a few people know that I have been swinging, but surprisingly both of my friends who I told actually said that they would really like to try coming down to the spa. They’re just too nervous about going for the first time.
I had been with a previous partner where we did try out swinging together. While it was enjoyable at the time, it did feel a bit weird afterwards.
To some one who has never swung before, I would tell them not to be worried. Just be free and do what you want to do. You will find that people are very friendly and very pleasant.